Norm Carruthers
Faith Story

I've never seen myself as a unique individual but as a reflection of those around me. As such this is more a story of relationships.

In one of the proposed readings this week, Acts 11: 1- 18, Peter was criticized for baptizing Gentiles such as Caesarea and his family but he explained that he had a vision in which God instructed him to reach out beyond the Jewish community. "Can anyone keep these people from being baptized with water? They have received the Holy Spirit just as we have."

My story is much like Caesarea's – not so much a faith story in the usual sense but one of following a parallel path until later in life. I was born a Christian like many people in this country – we never explicit chose our religion; we were expected to live by Christian ethical standards – it is just what good people in the community did. As young children we went to Sunday School but I don't remember my parents going regularly – probably just at Easter and Christmas to see the children in pageants.

My dad was a banker and was moved to a new town every couple of years. That made developing long time friendships difficult and why I see myself as an observer first and a participant second in most things. This has been something I have been working on for a long time.

Like Margaret McIntyre's story of a couple of weeks ago, mine begins in Lacombe, Alberta, where I was born – the second of 5 children. While we actually lived in the nearby town of Bashaw, the family always talked about our home as being Lacombe. My father had grown up there, and we still have the family cottage at nearby Gull Lake.

My first major moral lesson occurred when I was in Grade 1 in Grande Prairie, Alberta. Now you have to know that I was small as a child – even into high school. In Grade 8, I was the second smallest boy in junior high – every grade 7 boy was bigger than I was! So, in Grade 1, I was small – and being bullied by some of the older boys. A few of us runts got together and collectively tackled one of the bullies – and "taught him a lesson". I was very proud of the victory we had won – without our parents' help. But when I got home and regaled the family of my Ôsuccess', I was spanked by my dad because "you must always fight fair, one-on-one, regardless of the circumstances!". That was a big lesson and it was also the end of my fighting career.

Part way through Grade 1, we moved on to Innisfail, Alberta, where it may surprise you to know (especially that sit over in this area each Sunday) that I was part of the choir there - albeit, the children's choir – and when I was 10, I was to sing a solo on a Sunday in December to mark my graduation to the next level. It might have been only one verse of We Three Kings but I was terrified! Miraculously, we moved again, this time to Calgary – and I was spared and so too probably was the congregation.

I did go to the United Church for a short while in Calgary – but left for two reasons. First, I couldn't understand why or accept that one of the primary goals of the UCC was to merge. Where were the underlying principles, the truth that the church was founded on? Why bargain that away for the sake of being a larger church. My knowledge wasn't deep but the confusion was. But there was a second reason - that spring we went out to visit cousins in eastern Alberta and Sunday morning I had an opportunity to go gopher hunting with my two older cousins. My sisters dutifully went to Church and a couple of weeks later got perfect attendance pins. I thought I should have been given too – one shouldn't be penalized for not attending when away from home – but I also felt a little bit guilty because I had made the deliberate decision not to attend. I was a proud and opinionated little runt and didn't go to Sunday School again.

The reason we moved to Calgary was my dad had become an alcoholic and the Bank thought they could support him better in the bigger branches. Unfortunately, the city also gave him more anonymity for his drinking and the problem worsened. Mom tried everything but his capacity to hold a job or even function diminished greatly over time. And then when I was 16, I was there when my dad struke my mom for the first time. I retaliated, hit him and physically threw him out of the house. Later, he took the car and was driving to Edmonton to see his sister. He died on the way and so my last interaction with my father was striking him. It was a long time before I could talk about that – and whenever I did, I would burst into tears. Eventually, I began to accept this as touching something deep in my core and the tears were little champagne bubbles released as my heart opened up. I learned not to fear the tears – or occasionally touching things deep in my heart.

Also when a teenager, a lady came up to me – I don't know the relationship to our family – and said to me: "In all my years I have only seen one young person that is more ethical and respectful of others than you, and that was your father. I don't have many good memories of Dad but obviously he was a big influence on my life.

My mother did a wonderful job raising the 5 of us – on a secretary's salary. I later learned that she could have gone on welfare and received more money – and dental coverage – but she wanted us to learn to be independent and to earn whatever we needed. Saturday morning was clean-up time and as kids we were often slow at getting to our chores. It became a reasonably regular occurrence for Mom to get frustrated, yell at us, and stomp off to her bedroom. Over the years, on many Saturdays, we would actually work hard on our chores so that Mom wouldn't get mad but the result was the same. We began to realize that she needed to release stress and give herself permission for some quiet time. We came to understand that we always needed to look past the immediate situation for the underlying dynamics before drawing conclusion. Mom was also an incredible optimist – a true Polyanna – there was a bright side to everything. Maybe this was another way of coping for her – but hope and optimism are wonderful gifts for your children.

Scouting had a major influence on my life. When preparing for today, I was surprised to learn that Scouting has three fundamental beliefs: Duty to God – the responsibility to adhere to spiritual principles, and thus to the religion that expresses them and to accept the duties therefrom; Duty to Others – the responsibility to one's local, national and global community members to promote peace, understanding and cooperation through participation in the development of society, respect for the dignity of one's fellow-beings and protection of the integrity of the natural world; and Duty to Self - the responsibility for the development of oneself to one's full potential physically, intellectually, spiritually and socially.

I don't know if these were that well articulated back in the 50's and 60's – the first wasn't very significant in my life because our scout hall was at the community centre – the second, though, was immense. The mottos of the Boy Scouts – Cubs through Scouts to Rovers "Do your best" to "Be Prepared" for "Service". And I was a Rover Scout from 16 to 23 and our Rover Leader was the first of the key external mentors in my life.

My first job out of university was with BA Oil (soon to Gulf Oil) and I fairly quickly moved into the Internal Audit Department and found another mentor. When recommending any change, we had 3Ú4 of 1 page to write up our findings - regardless of how major or minor the issue. Then it went off to at least 4 people up the hierarchy and if one of them didn't understand something – or thought that someone else might not understand, it was returned to the author unmarked and unsigned for improvement! We had really think about what a person might not understanding and why. We had to put ourselves in the shoes of each of the potential readers and view the request from their perspective. I learned to choose my words very carefully. That simple but unique process had a profound effect on my life.

I left Gulf Oil to get my MBA in finance and accounting at Queens University, simply because I finding myself in many review situations where I did not feel I had the required experience. And because I thought differently than most of my classmates, I was asked to teach there and explore whether I wanted to pursue a PhD. My two daughters were born in Kingston.

After my MBA and teaching 2 years at Queens, I went off to Berkeley for further study in the economics of market failure. Now you have to understand that I had become fascinated with economics – at the level of the markets, you are really dealing with averages so you can make some very simple assumptions about the actions of individuals and companies and economic theory will predict, with a high degree of accuracy what will happen at the local market level. Moreover, because of the interconnectedness of markets, it will also reasonably predict outcomes in the other markets as well - prices in the wholesale market or the international market for example. But what fascinated me even more was what happened when the core assumptions were not valid? What happens when there are only one or two sellers or buyers? What if some players have much better information than others– or can manipulate the information to their benefit? Time and space also have huge implications on the effective functioning of markets. In these cases, the market system fails – and someone must step in and rebalance the situation to recreate fairness. Government may only have very clumsy tools at its disposal but there are times when its involvement is vital – and justified. Personal self interest is not sufficient for a healthy economy – someone needs to be looking out for the greater good of society. This is the economic version of President Kennedy's famous saying, "Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country!" It is unfortunate that many economists and business leaders do not see this need. (This also ties back into the second fundamental belief of Scouting - Duty to Others.) I also saw this time at Berkeley as a unique opportunity to learn in different ways than I could anywhere else and so my thesis was in the rather esoteric field of Ômathematical urban economics'. My thesis supervisor was another great shapers of my life.

During this time, my wife and I separated and she moved back to Canada with our two daughters – to first Hornby and then Denman Island. I still had them for several months a year but was very afraid of me letting them slip out of my life. They were my moral compass – if I was ever unsure of what to do in a particular situation, I did not ask: What would Jesus do? Instead I would ask whether my daughters would be proud of me if they learned what I had done.

My next stop was at UBC, teaching in the Business School for 5 years. I loved teaching but teaching and researching did not mesh well –being outgoing and enthusiastic in the classroom and then very introverted and focused back in the office. So I went into management consulting. My first assignment was up north, and at my first interview with Band leaders in a remote community, the Chief kept leaving the room in the middle of my sentences. This was very disconcerting. But it turned out his sister had shot her husband for coming home drunk one too many times in what was supposedly a dry community. The Chief had been up all night going between the police station and the hospital in Whitehouse – and because it was disrespectful to show tiredness to a guest, he would absent himself from the situation. We dampen our eyelids or pinch our cheeks but he was taught to leave the room. What I learned that day was not only respect for cultural differences but to trust that even if someone misses part of the conversation or process, in the end, they will still have full understanding of the issues and have made valuable contributions along the way. Trust the person, accept the gifts they have to offer and learn to live comfortably in the uncertainty of life.

When the firm closed most of its small offices, I worked for the City of Calgary in many roles over 15 years – usually in comprehensive planning and change management – be it legislative, financial or organizational. More importantly it was around this time that Aliesje came into my life – she is not only the love of my life but also my life guide.

It was Aliesje that said my life was too narrow - focusing primarily on work. She suggested that I should volunteer somewhere – and that one possibility was to join the Board of the Alexandria Community Health Centre which operated out of the same building as she was in. This was in a poorer part of Calgary and served, primarily those that could not access the Alberta Health Care system – for example new immigrant families. The doctors and staff there – and Aliesje in her work – reminded me to value, respect and fight for the dignity of each individual. This was a wonderful counter balance to my work which dealt with long term directions, corporate policies, and organization-wide change.

Aliesje's own spiritual path took her back to church and she started to attend Woodcliff United in Calgary – in large part, because of the wonderful choir and music there. I was an occasional attendee. When Aliesje was diagnosed with breast cancer, and then when my mother died, the congregation members there were so wonderfully supportive, I decided I wanted to be part of this group of people. And so I began to attend regularly and to volunteer. I can't honestly say that I was moved spiritually by my going back to church but it became a regular part of our lives.

Then almost 7 years ago, we had the opportunity to move to Nelson as I took the job of being the City's Chief Administrative Officer. Immediately I was in awe of the strength of character, the artistry and craftsmanship, and the passion of people in this community. And we joined Nelson United and were welcomed with openness and grace. Through the services, David and Christine's reflections and the faith stories of members of the congregation, I began to realize there was an opportunity to explore my spirituality - in a safe and nurturing environment. And I felt that there was a lot of room for my spirituality to grow!

We had been here, I guess, about three years when I joined Stewards & Finance and it wasn't long before I was part of Council. I hadn't been at many Council meetings when we decided that we should undertake some strategic planning – and Marg Stacey, with her usual enthusiasm, jumped in, saying that it wouldn't cost us a thing as Norm was experienced in this area. I thought "Well, É., ok!" Then David said that if we were to do this, it should be done from a base of spirituality. Now, I had done a fair bit of strategic planning in my career but never had I ever hear those two words used in the same sentence with the word Ôspirituality'. Good thing I had developed some tolerance for uncertainty throughout my life because this was certainly stepping out into the unknown with only a few tools – and perhaps not even the right ones! We muddled along and made some progress. And I started to incorporate some Ôspirituality' or Ôheart' in my facilitation/planning work – with wonderful results for me and the clients.

Meantime, I began to develop a curiosity for learning more about faith and spirituality and so joined the Thursday Morning Book Club. The Men's Club gave me an appreciation of being ready to do the little things that are so important to the functioning of this family – the setups and take downs, the castered chair holders that Jim McCormick created, the electrical work, the repainting, etc. etc. The Centennial celebrations – and particularly the time line - reminded me of the joy of a community coming together and blending their stories.

I felt safer and safer to push myself a little further in exploring what it means to deepen my spirituality, what it means to live as a follower of Jesus. I dared to write and read publically a prayer; to spontaneously lead in a closing prayer at a meeting; to begin to talk to people in the community, when asked, about what I come to church and why Nelson United is an important part of my life. These are new things I have never done before. The Reimagining process we are now embarking on, I see as a wonderful opportunity for us to explore and learn together.

So I have been influenced and guided through life by amazing mentors like my parents; my Rover Scout leader; my Internal Audit boss; my PhD supervisor; my daughters, Jennie and Erin; Aliesje; and this community of faith. I reflect back all the richness I have been given. And I feel as if I am still early in my faith journey to add Jesus as a mentor but I feel safe – and stronger when I do take these tentative new steps.